Silver Lining: Blur

January 22, 2011


Yesterday, I woke up feeling like someone had sledgehammered all my insides, especially my head and my throat and my lungs.

I knew I wasn't going to make it to work when it took me 20 minutes to pull on jeans and a hoodie because I kept having to lie down and rest.

Getting dressed isn't supposed to be that hard.

So I took some medicine, and the rest of the day was a numbing blur.
Also, it was a blur because I didn't wear my glasses, and definitely not my contacts.

Here's what I remember:

waking up halfway through a movie
and feeling vaguely surprised that I must have started it
and that even Hugh Grant's blurry one-liners
weren't making me laugh

Sam kissing my burning forehead.
His face was in focus, but everything else wasn't.

wondering why it was so cold under the thick blanket

the smell of being sick
that clung to me
I hate that smell.

wishing either of my parents could come
and feel my forehead
and make me eat applesauce
to quench the fire in my throat
but they couldn't
because my dad's in Alpine
and my mom's much farther away

Katie making me eat something
and making me happy

feeling completely worthless
all day
because I couldn't concentrate
on anything
or even see anything clearly
and thinking about everyone
I dropped the ball on

the sliver of blue sky
outside the blurry window
made me think it was summer
so I couldn't figure out
why everyone who came in
had a coat on

Caitlin feeling my forehead just like my mom used to do

and Amanda rubbing my arm gently

and talking to Heather about something,
which I cannot for the life of me

and I remember crying with Sam about my mom
and sharing things with him
that I really hope wasn't a medicated dream

and Johanna going to get food for me
even though it was inconvenient for her

and longing for the blurry summer outside the window

and for my lungs and throat and head to just stop already

and for me to think clearly again

which I still can't, really

because bottom line:

this medicine is doing weird things.


  1. Sorry you're not feeling well! Do you need anything? Chicken noodle soup? Someone to take you to the doctor? Another movie? Music and Lyrics is good, but I'm not sure it's cure the sickness good. Glad Sam is there to help. Be sure and tell him to make you get some good rest! Love you!

  2. Perhaps you just need a good spank?.. . . ..
    ... .. . . . ..shoot, i need to eliminate that solution/word/idea from my lexicon asap as possible or elts i'm going to start saying it in the classroom and then i'll get fired lickity split.

    ps: perhaps your medicine induced haze can come up with a legit definition of "lickity split," because it's a pretty ridiculous phrase that doesn't deserve a definition, but a phrase that i would like a definition for nonetheless. the problem is: nobody in their right mind is going to try to define that phrase! :)

    k, sorry i just wrote a blog post under your blog post. I think it's bedtime... . . . . ... . . .. . .. . .. . . . ... . .


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