leaving the house with young children: 5 ways to help it go smoothly and avoid meltdowns

One of the biggest comments I get when I leave the house with my toddler and the twins is, "I can't believe you're out and about with all three kids and no helpers!" First of all, it's so nice of people to focus on the fact that I came and graciously ignore the fact that I'm a hot mess or my babies are only wearing onesies or I definitely did not do my toddler's hair that morning.

Because here's the thing. For my sanity, I need to leave the house daily. I just do. Motherhood can be very isolating, and working from home can be very isolating, so I make a conscious effort to get out every day. I think it's good for the whole family when we get out, expand our world, talk to new people, have a change of scenery, and experience things besides our daily at-home grind of diapers and begging mom for more screen time.

Plus, at this stage of life when my children are so little, we don't have school, sports or other activities that facilitate a get-outside routine, so it's up to me to provide that structure.

But the reality is that leaving the house is often the hardest part of the day. Between packing diaper bags, changing diapers, hunting down shoes, buckling carseats, and then trying to keep everyone happy when you're out, it can feel much easier to just stay home.

Here are some things I've been doing over the past nine months (since the twins were born) that make leaving the house easier and more enjoyable for everyone.

1. SET BEHAVIOR EXPECTATIONS

This is probably the biggest thing I learned as a teacher that translates to being a mom. No matter where we're going, I set behavior expectations with my toddler. Simply put, we have a conversation about what will happen and how she's expected to behave. Even if we're just going to the grocery store, I tell her we're not buying any special snacks, and she can choose to sit in the front or the back of the cart, but she's not going to push the cart today.

When I forget to do this, there is a 100% chance of a meltdown when my daughter wants to push the cart "all by self" and inevitably straight into the flower display. Every. Single. Time. A twenty-second positive and clear chat about behavior expectations goes such a long way in avoiding meltdowns.

2. GET INTO A DAILY SCHEDULE

We have a rough schedule, and stick to it every day, and it's helped our sanity so much. That means last month when there was a blogger opportunity at 10 am just down the street from me, I said no, but it was easy to say no because I knew it was right in the middle of naptime and trying to wrangle two fussy twins who should be sleeping is not on my happy list. But when they went to lunch afterwards at 11:30, it was easy to say yes, because everyone is up and happy at 11:30.

Some moms are great at having no schedule, but for me, a schedule has helped us add structure and routine to our day, and also plan good times to leave the house when there's the highest chance all three kids will be happy.

3. ANTICIPATE NEEDS

There's a reason diaper bags are a thing (and hallelujah that diaper bags are actually cute these days). When I anticipate what the kids might need while we're out and pack it in the diaper bag, I can stay out longer because a dirty diaper or a chilly baby can be solved by a quick diaper change or pulling on a jacket. Take the few minutes required to pack an extra bottle, a favorite teething toy, and whatever else you need to keep your kids happy.

When I'm prepared and packed, little hiccups don't turn into big disasters. I can quickly find the pacifier or fish out the burp cloth without derailing the entire trip (and having to listen to a screaming child the entire way home).

4. PRETEND YOU NEED TO GET THERE 10 MINUTES EARLY

Please tell me I'm not the only one constantly surprised at how long it takes to leave the house with more than one child? I honestly tell myself it starts ten minutes early, because then when my toddler has to go potty again when we're getting in the car, or when a twin spits up everywhere and requires a quick outfit change, I can take a few minutes and still be on time (or at least not terribly late).

5. BRING SNACKS

We don't have many snacks at home, but when we're out, snacks are a huge sanity saver. I like to pull one out when my toddler is hungry, fussy for weird reasons like her left shoes itches (not her foot but her actual shoe??), or wants to go home a few minutes before it's time. We stock up on these Gerber® SmartFlow™ pouches and have at least one in the diaper bag at all times (my 10-month twins love these so much).

Gerber recently redesigned their pouches with a SmartFlow cap that prevents dribbles and messes when your kids are feeding themselves (which is a genius move, by the way). It's the best, and makes snacks and meals so much easier and less messy. Click here to see the new SmartFlow logo so you know what to look for. There's even a coupon for your local Kroger or Ahold so you can stock up for a sweet price.

HONORABLE MENTION: LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS

This one sounds weird, but honestly when I lower my expectations for going out with three small children, I end up much happier. I give myself a little pep talk about how the twins might be fussy and I'll have to push them around in the stroller instead of chatting with the other moms at playgroup. That way, when they're only fussy for 5 minutes at the very end, I'm feeling really good that they lasted an entire hour instead of feeling frustrated that they're fussy.

Photos by Kylie Pond

What tips and tricks do you have for leaving the house with small children?

I'm constantly trying to figure out ways to make it easier 
and more fun for all parties involved. :)

P.S. Click here for the coupon for those pouches if you don't have it already!

a one-on-one toddler outing

Sam and I have started arranging our schedules so our toddler gets a one-on-one date with a parent every week, usually on Wednesday afternoons. These are usually fairly mundane trips to the library, park, or even to the post office and then out for a $1 ice cream cone, but lucky for us, she's two years old so those little trips are about the most exciting things in the world. And honestly? Our little dates are also really fun for us. Leaving the house with just one child is something of a luxury these days.

Last week I planned to go to the library with Claire, but we only made it as far as the courtyard outside. Swinging on bike racks and jumping off large rocks was much more appealing. So we spent an hour playing, running around, and lounging on a picnic blanket. Claire loved eating veggie straws and stealing my hat, and I loved soaking up the last of the not-too-hot-yet Phoenix weather and watching my daughter be so happy.

And yes, I did fit an entire picnic blanket inside this diaper bag. It's the JJ Cole Arrington tote, and seriously the designers thought of everything when they made this bag. It has a coordinating changing pad, insulated bottle pockets, a padded electronics pouch, and tons of interior space and pockets. I normally push for a backpack-style bag, and this one is not a backpack, but it comes with stroller grips so you can hook it right on to the stroller, which I do all the time. It's amazing to not have to carry your bag at all.

I really love this bag, and hey, if you're going to take a diaper bag out with you every single day for at least two years, you might as well love it, right?

We made a quick little video of our outing as well. Click below to watch it! I still can't get over her cute mischievous face stealing my hat.

You can browse other JJ Cole diaper bags available at Babies "R" Us here (we also have a slightly older version of the stone arbor backpack and love it).

Anybody have ideas for indoor toddler dates?

I think our outdoor dates are quickly coming to an end as the temperatures rise.

baby-led weaning: how we never bought or made baby food

When my oldest was six months old, I hadn't done much research on feeding babies, so I did what I kind of assumed you were supposed to do: baby oatmeal cereal added into formula or breastmilk, and then months and months of store-bought (and a few homemade) purees. And every single time I fed my baby, I thought, "This is so gross."

Have you ever tried baby food? Never. Taste. Them. (Although my baby was used to drinking formula, so I guess anything's an upgrade from that.) Plus they're super processed, they're not like real food humans eat, they are dang expensive, and they don't teach your baby what real food feels or tastes like. But I thought it was just what you had to do, so I did it.

Then, when my baby was nine months old, I heard about baby-led weaning, and since the day I researched it, two more kids later, I have yet to buy another puree, puff or yogurt melt.

If traditional pureed baby food is what works for you and your baby, absolutely go for it. But here's what has been a much better fit for our family.

B A B Y - L E D   W E A N I N G

In a phrase, baby-led weaning is all about babies feeding themselves real food.

Instead of buying or making pureed foods, give them real foods. Instead of spooning bites into their mouth, put the food on the tray and let them feed themselves. It's that simple.

When I first heard about baby-led weaning, I was feeding my daughter a tupperware full of sweet potato puree with one hand while also scrolling through a friend's blog post about this "babies feed themselves" crazy talk. I put down the phone and opened the fridge to see what I could experiment with. I found an avocado, cut a big slice, and put the whole slice on her tray. You guys, she was SO happy, and the entire thing disappeared in about 30 seconds flat. (In fact, she ate it so quickly I was convinced she was choking.) (She wasn't.) The next food I introduced was a third of a banana, and then a steamed baby carrot.

With my younger babies, I've been doing the same thing. We start with avocado, and then gradually increase to other foods, and all three of my babies have been quite enthusiastic. They all got into it at slightly different ages, but once they were interested in real food (aka once they started dive bombing for whatever food I was eating), they've all done great.

THE PROS:

+ Your child gets exposed to more fresh fruits and vegetables and less processed food.

+ Your child gets used to different textures and flavors early, and lots of studies have suggested this makes them less picky eaters.

+ It's much cheaper because you don't have to buy baby food.

+ The prep time is practically nothing because you don't have to make baby food; your child literally just eats what you're already eating.

+ Your child learns better hand/eye coordination and fine motor "pincer grasp" control.

+ Eating becomes something your whole family does together. There's no kid food vs adult food, there's just food.

+ It's easier to go places, because you don't have to pack up special food for the baby in addition to whatever you're already bringing or buying for yourself.

THE CONS:

+ Your baby will sometimes gag when they're just starting. Gagging is different from choking, and babies actually gag as a way to move food around in their mouth. It's totally fine and normal, and gagging is what helps their gag reflex develop normally. Obviously you have to be watching your children when they eat no matter what, and I don't give large whole grapes, or any other food that's a choking hazard in the beginning.

+ Usually, with baby-led weaning, you start at around 6 months old, when your baby is better at sitting up unassisted and picking things up by themselves. Sometimes, with purees, you can start as early as 4 months, so if you're super anxious to have your kitchen be a disaster every time the baby eats, I guess it's a con that you have to wait a month or two. (I get it, as an excited new parent it's sometimes hard to wait for the next milestone.)

+ It is MESSY in the beginning. Brace yourself that at least 50% of the food will end up on the floor or smushed into your baby's hair in the beginning. But I promise it gets a lot better very quickly; these babies really do pick up this whole "eating real food" thing faster than you'd think.

GOOD FOODS TO START: (anything 2-3 inches long and fairly soft is great to start)

+ fresh vegetables: avocado, peeled cucumber
+ fresh fruits: banana, strawberries, apple, pear, mango
+ steamed vegetables: carrots, sweet potato, broccoli, green beans, zucchini
+ protein/ dairy: scrambled eggs, black beans, turkey, chicken
+ puree-like real foods: applesauce, yogurt (I'll sometimes break my own rule and spoon feed these to my babies to avoid a mess)
+ grains: crackers, whole-grain cereal, veggie straws, bread, pasta

The other day we were FaceTiming with some family during dinner, and they were like, "AH! Addison got her hands on a a huge thing of broccoli! Help her!" It was a nice, soft piece I purposely picked out from our meal to give to her. I explained she's eaten broccoli before, and then naturally we spent the next five minutes watching her gnaw on it and grin and drool green drool everywhere until the whole thing was gone. (Family: the only people who are remotely interested in watching your daughter eat broccoli.) 

See the baby-led weaning website here, or just google for more people's experiences and ideas of first foods. We love these cover-all bibs and also these easy-wipedown silicon bibs to help contain the mess. Everyone alive recommends these super cheap IKEA high chairs (which sadly are permanently out of stock at my local IKEA), so we have these ones that attach to a chair instead. They're also cheap, and I love that the tray can go straight into the dishwasher.

PIN FOR LATER:

That's been our family's experience with baby-led weaning.
Easy, cheap, no prep, and everyone eats together as a family.

Any other fans of baby-led weaning out there?

every parent needs their one thing

I'm a firm believer that every parent needs one thing. Well, two things if you count an emergency chocolate stash. I'm not here to talk about a chocolate stash, but every parent should probably have one of those as well. ;)

Parents need at least one thing that doesn't involve being a parent.

We love our kids. We really do. We love watching them grow up and meet exciting milestones and experience things for the first time. As you can tell from the content of my posts, my kids are a huge part of my life. It's a choice I made, it's a choice I love, and it's a choice I wouldn't change for anything.

But the truth is your daily sphere of influence shrinks a lot when you're a stay-at-home mom (or dad). It can be incredibly lonely, isolating and terrifying to just be home with the kids. If the only thing you're involved with is your children, it's easy to feel stretched thin and frustrated on the days when it seems like all your children do is whine and make mess after mess. Anyone would feel grumpy and depressed after long days of children teething or refusing naps or fighting with their siblings!

That's why every parent needs at least one thing that's completely separate from their role as a parent.

I learned this the hard way. When I had my first child and my job fell through at the last second, I thought it was a sign I wasn't supposed to work. But it wasn't just that I was unemployed. I wasn't leaving the house, I wasn't getting much adult interaction, I was barely involved in my church community, and I definitely wasn't happy. It's so easy to stay home in your own rapidly shrinking bubble, providing for your child but neglecting all other aspects of your personal life and emotional health. That's what I was doing, and I was incredibly depressed. In fact, I didn't start being happy until I started working part-time six months later. 

You see, my one thing is working. I love getting a babysitter for the kids and utilizing a completely different skillset. I love solving problems, interacting with other professionals in my field, and contributing financially to my family. First I worked as an educator, and now I work as a blogger and influencer, but for me the bottom line is that I'm working. It's what I'm passionate about, and what makes me fulfilled.

It doesn't have to be a job. That's just my thing. One of my best friends is very involved in her church community, and her thing is creating the most amazing, insightful sermons to teach every Sunday. Another friend is a beautiful singer, and her thing is singing professionally with a local choir on Wednesday nights. Another friend loves to try new and complicated recipes, and bakes delicious intricate desserts. I know moms who are super involved with book clubs or running in races or thrifting. 

It doesn't matter what your thing is, how much time it takes up, or whether it generates income. It just matters that your thing is separate from being a parent, and that it makes you excited. It's about creating balance, variety, and interaction in your life. It's about using skill sets you don't always utilize as a parent.

I've taken an unofficial poll among people I know who have children. Guess what? 100% of them feel like a better parent when they have do something besides being a parent. 

I know I'm a much more patient and loving mom when I have that balance in my life - that chance to step back from the diapers and fussing infants and toothpaste smeared on my bathroom counter. When I get done working, this magical thing happens. I realize I missed my children! And I really really like them! And the toothpaste on the counter isn't a big deal - it's just a little toothpaste. I'm happy to snuggle them, play with them and change their diapers the rest of the day.

So I guess, if I were to give advice to people about to become parents, I would say this: Becoming a parent is the best. You will love it. But find your one thing (or two things, or three things!). Find what makes you happy, fulfilled, and excited, and don't give up on it. You'll be surprised how much of a better parent it makes you. 

Photos showing glimpses of work and home by Photography Hill

I'd love to hear from you about this (especially if you mostly stay at home with your kids).

What is your "thing" besides being a parent?

Do you feel it adds to or detracts from your experience as a mom or dad?

And when does having a side hobby start being detrimental for your life as a parent?

Beat the Heat: Fun and Free Indoor Toddler Destinations

Here in Arizona, summer time is hibernation time! When it gets above 100 or 105, my will to spend hours outdoors at parks and zoos totally disappears. I'll do anything for an indoor toddler play date!

Even if you don't live somewhere as warm as I do, chances are you'll have days where you just don't want to lather sun screen on all the kids, bring a million water bottles, and spend the entire day on a stifling playground while your children burn their skin on the slides.

Here are my favorite free, indoor, fun toddler destinations! Grab a mom friend and her kiddos and head to one of these indoor locations for a day of air-conditioned toddler fun.

Library
I've yet to find a city library that doesn't have a fun toddler program. Whether it's story time, singing time, or puppet time, there's always something fun happening, and it's always free. And even if there's not a class currently being taught, it's fun for toddlers to hang out in the kids corner with all the books, toys, kids computers, and beanbags. Most libraries have a summer reading program to keep your older children engaged as well.

via

Shopping Centers
Load up the kids and take them to the mall! Let's face it: some mall play areas are really sketchy, but some are great. They're always free, and sometimes all you need is 30 minutes of your kids running around screaming in an approved run-around-and-scream location. Extra points if you sip a nice cold drink while you watch them get their energy out.

via

Free Days at Music Centers and Gymnasiums
Almost all music and gymnastics venues will offer free classes or free days to try and get you interested in their programs. Google what's in your area and take advantage! I've taken my toddler to a few of these, and it's fun to watch her explore something new and different. It's also a great way to get a feel for good classes you may want to invest in when your toddler gets a little older.

via

Local Sports Games
No matter the time of year, you're not going to get into professional sports games for free. But I'm always surprised at how many previews, practices, scrimmages or high-school level matches are indoors and open to the general public. Who cares how good the team is? Your sports-loving toddler will be enthralled (and younger toddlers will just love playing in all the empty seats). And if nap time arrives halfway through, you can leave early without the pressure of getting your money's worth.

via

Recreation Centers
The rec center in my old city was fantastic, and well worth paying $350/year for a family pass. The one in my current city isn't worth a membership to us, but there are still fun things to do there for free. Whether it's free swim days, a big indoor playground, or a free kids sports day, look up what your city has to offer.

via

Museums
I'm always surprised by the number of lesser-known museums that have really great kids sections. There's a free city museum in my neighborhood that is pretty blah overall, but the toddler play place is gigantic and super fun. In fact, we paid to get into a children's museum last weekend, and my toddler didn't like it nearly as much as she loves the little free one down the street. Ask around with other parents in your area to find the free museums with great kids corners. If you have your heart set on a designated children's museum, look online for free days.

via

What am I missing?

Favorite indoor toddler destinations?

I'd love to hear yours (+ I might even add it to this list!)