Silver Lining: on not getting what you want

April 3, 2015

on not getting what you want

Delayed gratification is extinct. Well, maybe not quite extinct yet, but definitely on the Endangered Traits list.

Delayed gratification is really hard for me. I get impatient at the smallest and dumbest things: when my web page takes more than 5 seconds to load. When I'm picking up Sam and have to wait more than 30 seconds for him to come out. When I'm in a line and there's a problem with the customers or cashier ahead of me. When a student takes more than 10 seconds to tell a story when we're in the middle of a math problem.

I don't think it's just me, either. (Although if you think you're worse than me, think again!) We live in a society that's increasingly centered toward the here and the now. In TV shows, problems that take a lot of work, effort, and time in real life are wrapped up nicely in a 20-minute episode. Ads for faster internet and data streaming speeds teach us to be impatient and dissatisfied with our current speeds. "Treat yoself" has become the rule rather than the exception.

Look at Twitter and other social media. We don't want to read about anyone or anything unless we can read it in 140 characters or less. We buy cars, homes, and phones we can't afford because waiting and saving up for them seems so terribly boring and distasteful and slow. We get fat because we can't say no to the food of here and now, and then we take pills to lose weight because we don't have patience to work it off through diet and exercise. There are certainly many people in our society who have infinite patience and practice delayed gratification regularly, but for the most part, I think we are getting less patient, and less content to go without.

I've been trying to practice my delayed gratification lately. Part of it is in preparation for grad school coming up - the ultimate delayed gratification test! Talk about giving up everything to get something better two years down the road. (Right? It will be worth it? Somebody reassure me.)

So, I gave up eating sweets for Lent. 

Let me back up to elementary school. One of my best friends convinced me to give up candy for Lent one year, so I did. Although I think I kind of missed the point: I never said no to candy. Instead, I hoarded it all in a big grocery bag and greedily ate it all on Easter. Talk about world's biggest stomachache! 

My church doesn't officially observe Lent, but I've done it a few years since the grocery bag hoarding incident of 1998. It's more about patience than penitence for me, but I think it's really meaningful for people of all faiths. This year, I said no to sweets, desserts, candy and sweetened drinks for the 40 days preceding Easter. Occasionally I'll steal a bite of Sam's dessert or sample his lemonade, and once I ate a few M&Ms before I remembered I'm not eating dessert these days, but for the most part, I've been really good about saying no to sweets. (Writing this blog post without snacking on the treats was really tough!)

Going off sweets is such a simple and small thing, but I learned about delayed gratification. Taking a step back. Realizing that I don't need to eat everything I want, when I want. Realizing it's good for humans to practice patience, to not always get what they want, to learn that happiness doesn't depend on how much you have, or how quickly you obtain it. Recently, in our family, there's been something Sam and I really wanted that we didn't get (more on this later), and, weird as it sounds, this little insignificant practice of abstaining from sweets has helped me be okay with the bigger things we want but can't have right now. This is a huge deal coming from the person who gets impatient if the light turns green and it takes the car in front of me a few seconds to start moving!

That being said -- putting these Cadbury Eggs in Easter baskets without sneaking any was torture. I am so looking forward to eating them on Sunday! 


I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Do you practice Lent?
What do you give up?
Is delayed gratification a lost art?

18 comments:

  1. It's not necessarily Lent, but every March, I do the same...I give up sugar. It is definitely hard, especially when you visit family and they celebrate by making desserts and you don't want to be rude and you want to be grateful and polite and eat some!

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  2. I gave up candy for lent. It was soooo good for me. Good news for you and the cadburys..lent is over! I looked it up to double check. It ends with good Friday so eat up:)

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  3. I gave up Starbucks and coffee for Lent! It saved me a lot of money!
    The Pepper Express

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  4. I usually participate in Lent, but didn't this year. I think it's great practice and I wish I had. Also, love the candy photos, nice work!

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  5. Honestly, I forgot about Lent this year. In my general every day life though I am trying to give up fast food because it's a bad habit thats hurting my body and my wallet (which can not suffer anymore).

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  6. I did Lent for the first time this year... bye-bye, chocolate! So hard, but so good to do. Love your thoughts!

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  7. It's so true, we (I!) are such an impatient society. I'm the worst. I tried to observe Lent for the first time this year. My church really doesn't do anything for it, but I got the She Reads Truth Study and said I was going to give up pop, but then I messed up and so I changed it to no complaining. I quickly learned how horrible my self-discipline/delayed gratification really is. I think I will try again next year. I like the significance of Lent, but then again 40 days seems like a long time to focus on what horrible sinners we are when Christ came so His redemptive work would be the focus. My jury is still out. Either way, you are so right it's a great time to practice much needed patience!

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  8. I didn't do anything for Lent this year but in years past I've focused on replacing a bad habit or forming a new habit. I've done devotionals and daily yoga. I really enjoyed reading your perspective about delaying gratification. Great mini egg photos too!

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  9. Agreed! Visiting relatives is hard when you have to resist their yummy treats. Luckily, Sam will gladly eat my portion as well as his haha.

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  10. It's been good for me too. SO HARD, but so good. And I didn't start until two days after the official Ash Wednesday, so Im making myself wait until tomorrow. Almost done!

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  11. Totally! Talk about a huge money saver. I think I might give up my daily soda next year, which will be tough, but it'll be great for my wallet! Thanks so much for the comment.

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  12. I don't always do Lent either. Some years I just totally forget. They should start announcing it over the pulpit to remind us ;) Thanks so much your comment!

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  13. Yes, eating out! It's a huge waste in my wallet too. What a good idea for next year's Lent. Thanks so much for the comment!

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  14. AH, why is it so hard to not eat chocolate! It's good for us though, right? And now, bring on the Easter candy! Thanks so much for your comment.

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  15. I loved your thoughts on this post. My church doesn't observe Lent either, but I like to do it more for me to learn patience than penitence in our crazy, fast-paced world. Giving up complaining in many ways would be sooooo much harder than giving up sweets! What a great goal for next year. Thank you so much for the comment!

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  16. Love the idea of replacing a bad habit with a new one. I didn't have a specific snack food in mind to replace my sugar cravings, and I think that made it way harder. Love the idea of daily yoga too. Thank you for the comment!

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  17. I'm impressed. I had Good Friday in my head the whole time. Waiting 2 more days would be so hard. Valentine's Day and Easter are the best candy times so hopefully I can not eat so much now that those are over.

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  18. I feel like delayed gratification is definitely a lost art. I used to be so good at being patient and such and then it's tunred into keeping up with the Jones' and it was so hard to wait 2 years to finally get a house, which I know is not even that long but it was 4 years into our marriage and I felt like it took forever! Hahahaha

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