Silver Lining: to the top

September 5, 2011

to the top

This week, my dear foe Mr. Inadequacy came to visit.

He came to visit at school, where all the girls get the assignments done a week early and still find time to do darling things for their husbands and dress fashionably.

He came to visit at work, where I have 80 students and only 20 hours per week in which I must meet all their individual needs.

He came to visit in the lovenest, where I didn't have time to make fancy dinners for my husband, and where I didn't have money or creativity to cover the white walls and bare windows.

Most of all, he came to visit at the in-laws, where I spent my weekend. He pointed out that I'm not clever enough or witty enough or good enough at baseball to fit in with that family.

The stupid thing is, I let Mr. Inadequacy hang around sometimes.

You see, Mr. Inadequacy is not actually his name.

In fact, he is not even a he.

It's me. 

It's me and my tendencies to compare myself to others, or to the facades I see in others.

It's me being a perfectionist.

It's me that needs to change, and believe, and trust.

Because I will make it. I always do, in the end.

I'll push and push and push and struggle to the top for air, and eventually,

I'll make it.



  1. You can do it! I think you're very clever, and maybe you could be the 3rd base coach for baseball? Just shout encouraging things and cheer when someone gets a run.
    Hope this week is better.

  2. You are D) all of the above...and more! Comparing ourselves to others is the fastest way to sink. Take a minute and read your patriarchal blessing, paying attention to all the gifts and talents you have. Then you'll see!

    And it's ok to say that someone is better than you at some things, just don't forget to pat yourself on the back for the many things that you do better than them. (Privately, of course.)

    There is a time and a season to everything. This may not be your season for fancy dinners (at least not until Thursday ;) ) and it may not be your season to excel at baseball, but it is your season to succeed at school, to focus on the important parts of marriage--like building a solid relationship. And as for clever--you have that in spades!!

    Happy One Month Anniversary!!!

  3. Y'know, I sometimes wonder if other girls in the ElEd program feel like this. Thank you for answering my question! I feel like girls always come to class and are talking about all of their assignments they have already finished a week in advance, like they are trying to account for it to their peers. I thought college was about doing your own thing! Haha :) But trust me, you are awesome and will be the perfect teacher you need to be, in your OWN WAY. And as far as the other areas, it's so true that it's easy to feel inadequate (my apartment still is not as cute as I'd like and perfect meals while being a full time student is still not a reality) but you are doing awesome. Keep it up. You are better than you realize!


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