house guests and open houses

This week, Sam's mom has been visiting us. Guess what that means? Free babysitter! Date nights galore! I even took a nap the other day, and ran errands without a baby in tow. As it turns out, one can successfully make it in and out of the library in two minutes flat if one does not have a baby to buckle, unbuckle, and carry. Claire has been so spoiled this week with constant attention from her grandma. And I mean constant. When Grandma took a shower this morning, Claire literally sat outside the bathroom door the whole time, waiting to be played with some more. :) It's going to be one sad day for all of us when Grandma has to go home!

We were able to reserve Payson temple open house tickets at the last minute. You guys. It's a gigantic temple, and so beautiful. It was crowded when we went, but still worth it! Basically I walked through the whole thing with my jaw hanging open. So many incredibly beautiful details. And colors! I loved all the floral prints and dark wood paneling. (To learn more about LDS temples or get tickets to tour the Payson temple while it's still open to the public, click here.) We started calling the Great and Spacious Temple.

 Look! I found Sierra!

And on the way home, we stopped at Cafe Rio for dinner. It's really hard to have a bad evening when Cafe Rio is involved.

when in Salt Lake

Lately, I've been taking every chance I have to spend time with my family. I think it's because I'm moving away soon, and it makes me sad to think I'll be 700 miles away from them. Or maybe because they're the only ones who see how weird I am, and they have no choice but to stick with me anyway! ;)

Whatever the reason, I had the most wonderful girls night last week! Krysti got tickets to the Women's Meeting, and all the girls went (except Meghan and Ellie, whom we dearly missed!). We even had a cousin, an aunt, and a grandma come too. 

Our first stop was The Garden in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. I had never been there, and it was so delicious! Such a fun atmosphere too, with the uncovered roof and the most delicious raspberry chicken salad and hot bread. Already dreaming of eating that bread again.

^^Such a fun atmosphere with the retractable open roof and the festive decorations.

And talk about a view out the window!

Then we took some pictures on the way to Women's Meeting. The weather was gorgeous, and I have some pretty photogenic family members, if I do say so myself. 

The Women's Meeting was wonderful. It left me feeling inspired to try a little harder to be a little better. Here is one of my favorite quotes from the evening:

"Let us help build the kingdom of God by standing up boldly and being defenders of marriage, parenthood and the home." Bonnie Oscarson

On the way home, we ran into some pretty epic traffic, which calls for one thing - a pretty epic car dance party! I sure love these women. Thank you Krysti for putting the evening together! 

a sunny afternoon in Gilbert

These pictures are the last of the pictures from last week's Arizona trip. After church with Sam's aunt and uncle (which was actually two hours of sitting in the mother's room desperately trying to get my overtired baby to sleep), we stopped at the Gilbert temple. The gates around the temple were closed, but we still got to see it and feel its peace. Talk about a beautiful building! Plus it was a gorgeous 75-degree afternoon, so we couldn't say no to a walk outside.

 ^^We don't know what's happening in this picture, but it just goes to show that even her weird faces are cute. Hashtag obsessed parents.

 ^^ She always always always wants us to help her walk around. Now we know who to thank when we all have back problems in five years.

 ^^ Some of the people and things I love the most are in this picture (Jason was just barely out of the frame for this one, but I'm including him too)

 ^^ There was nobody to take our picture, so this is our best self timer attempt. I sure love these people!

Things that Matter Most

A few days ago, I was having one of those bottom-side-up days in which everything seems a little more bleak. Will anyone comment on my blog post today? When will we replace our breaking couches? How could I have forgotten to buy eggs? Why did I eat those cookies?

And then, out of the blue, my grandpa came over with a bag full of books. He said he met some teachers on the Frontrunner who were reading new children's books they got at a literacy conference. He asked them for a list of the best books for his great-grandchildren, and then he ordered all the books on the list. My grandpa is such a gentle giant, and that simple but amazing gift turned my whole day around.

It doesn't matter if nobody comments on my blog post for that day. It doesn't matter if our couches have a few bad springs. It doesn't matter if I forgot to buy eggs, or if ate those cookies, or any of the thousands of things humans worry about daily.

So today, I have a few pictures of what does matter. My family matters. So does kindness and compassion and trying again tomorrow. The words below are from a beautiful sermon (read it HERE) and are compiled in my very favorite Mormon Message video HERE. I promise it's worth three minutes of your time.

We would do well to slow down a little, 

proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, 

focus on the significant, 

lift up our eyes, 
and truly see the things that matter most. 

Strength comes not from frantic activity 

but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. 

It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. 

It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most.

-Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Happy Sunday!

I have arrived

^^^A letter from my littlest student who is just learning to read. It says "thank you Mrs. Brooke"


Before I had my baby, it was always the plan to stay at home for the most part. I felt so blessed to have that opportunity. I wanted to be home with her, we had a workable one-income budget, and we had no viable childcare options that we felt good about. I was really looking forward to being home with her. In fact, I was literally fulfilling my lifetime dream of being present and not having to work full-time while raising my family.

However, it was always the plan for me to keep being a teacher. Being a teacher is part of who I am, and I never want to stop. When I left Meadow, I had options lined up. My husband worked the early shift, so he could come home and watch the baby while I went to do private tutoring in the afternoons and evenings. I even had two little boys I was going to tutor. I also had some online teaching leads. It was going to be the best of both worlds.

Then, it was summer, and I had the baby. The next month and a half was a happy whirlwind (it's still a mystery where the entire month of July went). Relatives came to visit, we did fun things, school was out, and we spent a lot of time soaking in every inch of our tiny baby. I was sleep-deprived, but so incredibly happy.

And then, abruptly, school started. And all my plans started falling apart. The kids I was going to tutor had to back out for financial reasons. I got a job offer to teach an online class, only to get an email the next week saying the number of enrolled students was less than the company anticipated, so they didn't need me after all. I was going to volunteer doing an after-school club at the elementary school by my house, but they only wanted volunteers who had children attending the school. I posted ads on KSL, Craigslist and Facebook advertising my tutoring services, and got absolutely nothing in response.

It became very quiet during the days at my house. That isn't to say I didn't keep busy, because I did. I went on a walk with my walking buddy every single day. I did an exercise video every single day. I showered. I grocery shopped and made dinner and went out with friends and blogged. I even kept up with the laundry out of sheer desperation (you know things are bad when I'm voluntarily doing the laundry). And all that on top of the many hours spent each day feeding, changing, bathing, snuggling, and playing with my baby girl.

But still, for whatever reason, it wasn't enough. I know lots of mothers who are so happy doing the things I do every day, so why did I feel like something was still missing? The part of me that will always be a teacher was dying. I started to second-guess everything. Was I a bad teacher? Why didn't anyone want to hire me? Was I supposed to just give up teaching and learn to be happy without it? What happened to all our plans?

Each day while my baby napped, I would send out more applications to teaching companies and advertisements for myself to tutor. I became convinced that when you apply for a job online, it literally gets lost in cyberspace and nobody actually reads it unless you have a connection with that company (I still believe that, actually). I was getting more and more desperate. I knew I could spend my time shopping or doing crafts or watching another show on Netflix, but none of those options were meaningful to me.

I couldn't see the lesson I was supposed to be learning. Was it really God's plan for me to give up teaching altogether when I wanted it so badly? Or is this just my Type A, can't-ever-rest personality? I was always so happy when I was with my baby, but it felt like my world was shrinking. I had this fear that I wasn't Brooke anymore, I was just Claire's mom. I felt so overwhelmingly guilty that I wasn't satisfied when I had been given so much. Really scary words like "postpartum depression" and "anxiety" started swirling around in my head, and that terrified me. I would have pointless conversation after pointless conversation about it late at night with my husband.

And then, out of the blue, I got an email. Someone saw my ad, and was wondering if I still had any spots open for tutoring on Wednesdays. I wanted to tell her "Yes! Every night of the week is wide open!" Instead I told her yes, I could definitely make Wednesdays work. And then I got another email. Just like that, things started falling back into place.

I still do the same things during the day. Feed my cute baby, play with her, exercise during her morning nap, go on a walk, do the groceries and the dinners and the blogging and the diapers. I even do the laundry if it's a desperate, no-clean-underwear situation ;) But somehow, everything feels different. Now, I spend a few hours a few nights a week tutoring children, and that makes being a mom and a homemaker and a blogger and everything else so much more meaningful. I feel like myself again.

It sounds ironic, but when I spend two hours in the evenings not being a mom, I am so much more joyful when I get to be a mom the other 22 hours of the day. Taking time to do things for me, things I love, makes me so much happier when I get to do the job I love the most - raising a family.

I guess what I've been wanting to say is that I finally arrived. Everyone's work-home balance is different. Some moms I know are totally happy working full-time and raising children. A lot of moms I know are totally happy not working at all while they raise their children. It took a long time for me to arrive at my work-home balance, and it wasn't the situation or the time frame that I originally planned on. But it is so much better. It's different for every mom, but this is the situation that's right for me. I am happy and busy and balanced, and I've arrived at that sweet spot. And with my darling baby girl and my wonderful students, it really is such a sweet spot to be in.

Angel Grandma

There are many things I want my daughter to do. I would love for her to play a sport and a musical instrument. I would love for her to get a college education. I would love for her to find a career field she is passionate about. I would love for her to get married and raise a family. But more than any of these accomplishments, these things, I hope she is kind. I hope she is generous. I hope she is understanding of others. I hope she has the courage to forgive others, and the courage to say sorry. I hope she is brave and strong and independent. I hope she loves her Savior.

For family night tonight, we went to the cemetery where my mom is buried. I told Claire all about how she was born on her angel grandma's birthday. I told her what kind of person angel grandma is, and that I hope she becomes that kind of person. I want her to grow up hearing these stories, and knowing about the incredibly rich life her angel grandma left her. 

Each fall is a sad time for me as I remember the fall that mom died. But each year it's getting a little easier. The hurt never goes away, or even lessens. Rather, it's easier to focus on mom's life and everything she gave to me instead of on her death and everything it took from me. And I want my daughter to be part of that beautiful legacy.

let moms be moms

This week, someone told me I was parenting incorrectly.

I've had lots of experience with people saying unsolicited but well-meaning comments about the choices I'm making for my daughter. An offhand remark about how a pacifier made their child stop latching correctly, so I should be careful about giving my daughter a pacifier. Asking whether or not I do enough tummy time after seeing that my daughter can't hold her head up for very long yet. And LOTS of opinions about whether or not I should work outside of the home.

Usually, I don't mind these well-meaning comments. I know people are genuinely trying to help. In fact, when it's family or a close friend, I'm always seeking their advice and opinions.

But this time was different. It had already been a pretty long and hard day. I was in Costco, putting some baby formula into my cart.

"You know what they say, breast is best," I heard. I looked up to find a man standing across the aisle by the paper towels. I give him a half-smile and turned back to the formula.

"But really," he said. "When you breastfeed your baby, it gives them immunizations."

"Hmm," I said.

"Babies can't get those immunizations from formula. If you're not exclusively breast feeding your baby, he's not getting the best start."

At this point, I was mad. So I mumbled something even I couldn't understand, put the formula in the cart, and wheeled away as fast as I could. Of course, when I played it back in my head, I imagined myself throwing a can of formula at his head and shouting "Why don't you parent your own children and I'll parent mine, thankyouverymuch. Oh, and it's immunity. Breastmilk doesn't give your child immunizations, it gives them immunity. There's a difference!"

Someone needs to invent a rewind button on life, so when people think of these great comebacks hours later, they can rewind and play them out in real life ;)

Here's the thing. I'm not the first mom that's been told she's doing it wrong, and I'm sure I won't be the last. And I don't think that man woke up that morning and thought "if I see a new mom at Costco, I'll be sure to belittle her parenting choices." But still, it happens. And it bothered me for the rest of the day.

I'm a big believer that there's no one right way to raise a child. Talk to any mom with multiple children, and she'll tell you that each of her children had vastly different needs. I'm part of a few mom support groups on Facebook, where mothers can ask questions and get advice from other moms. A few weeks ago, one mom asked a question about circumcision, and I was really surprised at all the terribly negative, judgmental, and accusatory comments that stemmed from it. Why do we as human beings feel the need to judge other people so harshly? If circumcision is right for your child, do it. If it's not right for your child, don't do it. But please don't think that you have the answers for someone else's child.

My baby takes formula in bottles, because that's what's right for her and I. My baby takes a pacifier. My baby gets immunizations. My baby sleeps in her own crib. Those are all choices that are right for my baby. If your baby is the total opposite - exclusively breast fed, no pacifier, co-sleeps, that's great too!

I loved this article on stopping the mommy wars. Seriously, read it. I love the pictures.

How do you deal with unwelcome and unwanted criticism? About anything - not just being a parent. Should I have been more brave and told him that formula is a good choice for my baby? Or was it best to just walk away? I would love to hear your opinions.

In the meantime - happy weekend!
 

what I'm doing next year: one of the most vulnerable posts I've ever written

This is one of those posts that has been literally weeks in the making. I've known exactly what I wanted to say, but those dang sentences would never form in a cohesive manner! I've drafted, deleted, and drafted again. Maybe it was so tough for me to write this because I feel like this is a snapshot into the very center of my heart. The writer in me knows this post is still not perfect, but it's my best for now. It's also a very honest post, so please be nice to me, because I feel very vulnerable posting it.

For decades, I've wanted to be a teacher. For decades, I've wanted to be a mother. What I didn't think about was how those two roles would coexist, or even if they would coexist. For some reason, I didn't think about that at all until I got pregnant. Suddenly I was faced with a choice: should I teach or stay home next year?


What I didn't bank on was how much I would love teaching. How difficult it would be to think of giving it up. Honestly, I love it. Teaching is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Teaching gives me more purpose, joy, and meaning in my life than I ever thought possible. I like how productive I feel after working a long day, and I like that I work for education, which is one of the noblest causes out there. I love that my end goal isn't a new sale, or a pageview count, or a bonus commission, but the actual education of children. I love getting little glimpses that a student has recognized the value of education in their lives, that they learn to love feeling vulnerable, growing, and experiencing their world. Not to mention my amazing coworkers, who often know more about my life than my family, since I spend nine hours a day with them. I feel comfortable when I'm at school. My classroom is my little kingdom: I'm in charge and I accomplish things in there, and at the risk of sounding ridiculously arrogant, I think I'm good at it. Teaching is one of those things I believe I can actually do.


When I got pregnant, my plans for next year became a huge source of stress and internal conflict for me. I knew I loved teaching, and that it would always be one of the most meaningful things in my life. I knew I loved my little baby already, and that I would jump at any opportunity to be with her, to hold her, to love her. Also, this isn't popular among all people, but I believe that the ideal family situation involves one parent, preferably the mother, at home. But I also believe that women should pursue their careers if they want. I believe in the peace of mind that a second income provides to a family, especially a family that's still in the "just starting out" financial phases like us.


Sometimes becoming a mom scared me. Still does, actually. Scares me silly. It's just fear of the unknown. It's hard to leave something that I have experience with, that I'm comfortable doing, that I'm good at, for something totally brand new. What if being a mom exhausts me physically, mentally, and emotionally beyond what I can handle? What if I don't know how to provide for my child's needs? What if my world shrinks down to the mundane tasks of bottles, diapers, sleep deprivation, and one tiny person who can't even converse with me? What if something comes up and we need a second income?


I started asking advice from other moms/teachers I knew. The stay at home moms told me that 100% it was worth it, that even on the hardest days they NEVER regretted their choice to leave teaching, that they wouldn't trade time with their child for anything. The working moms I know told me that it's totally doable to work full-time and have a child, that daycare doesn't always have to be a scary place, that their job provides important financial security to their family even though it's hard to do. The working ladies who don't have kids told me that OF COURSE they would be stay at home moms if they ever got the chance.


That confused me even more. All sides had great points. I spent weeks avoiding thinking about it, because it stressed me out. (When will I learn that avoiding stressful topics actually stresses one out more?) When I was at school, I wanted to stay there and teach next year. When I was at home, I wanted to stay there and take care of my sweet baby next year.


Eventually, I told myself to get a grip, put on my big girl pants, and start praying about it. So I did. My husband and I had late-night discussion after late-night discussion about it. We prayed, read my patriarchal blessing, made pros and cons lists, and went to the temple.


One evening, Sam and I were sitting in our car in the temple parking lot, talking about next year. I was crying (surprise surprise) with the stress and indecision of this huge choice I was making. I remember rolling down the window and leaning my head back on the window frame to get some fresh night air. Looking up at all the stars that were out that night, I suddenly felt so close. So incredibly close to the spirits who are up there beyond the stars. Those spirits didn't feel like they were a million miles away, unfindable by man. They felt like they were right here, right now, with me in that car. I don't know if I was feeling particularly close to God or to my sweet unborn baby or to my mom, but I felt such a connection that night, and utterly surrounded by peace. Peace that I had never felt before. My tears dried up, my baby started moving around inside of me like she never had before, and I knew.


I'm not going to teach full time next year.


I remember sitting there with my head leaned back on the window frame for a long time that night, breathing the air and talking to Sam. After so much indecision and stress, just having an answer was a huge relief. We enjoyed the peace and the certainty and my kicking baby for a long time.


And then, I turned to Sam and wept. I wept because of what I was giving up. I wept because, even though I'm finding some part-time work, it won't be the same next year. I won't have my own class, I won't belong to 30 students who say I'm their teacher, I won't have the same little kingdom that I'm in charge of and comfortable with and good at leading. I'm really really going to miss it, and I wept because saying goodbye to being a full-time teacher for now will be really hard. And Sam just sat there all nobly, letting me get snot and tears and mascara all over his white shirt. That man is one in a million.


Eventually, I stopped crying. There's a time to cry about things, and then there's a time to stop crying and move on to better things. Also, I was getting a cramp in my neck from leaning over to Sam's shoulder. I took deep breaths, stole one last look at those stars, and rolled up the window. I gathered all the trust I've ever had in myself and mentally stored it away. And then Sam kissed me, said "let's do this, darling," and we drove home.

And that's how I made my choice about teaching next year.


Some important post-decision information:

• I'm still looking for something part-time. I love teaching, and teaching is part of who I am. That might look like a shared contract, or it might look like a specialty teacher, or it might look like after-school tutoring and piano lessons. I'm so incredibly happy that I get to keep teaching kids, and also be home with my baby. It's the best of both worlds. 
• I have felt so much peace since making that choice. This is huge, coming from a person like me who second-guesses EVERY CHOICE I EVER MAKE. I have never once gone back and wondered if I made the right choice. It has felt right every second since I made it.
• My choice has made me love teaching even more. It's easy to get dragged down by disrespectful students or problems with parents at school. But lately, since I know it won't be like this next year, I am just loving those kids and enjoying every second I get to spend with them. It makes me love this job more than I ever have, and appreciate everything about it. I want to be the best teacher I can be for my remaining months.

If you're still reading this, congratulations! You deserve a huge round of applause and possibly some chocolate for making it through this very dense post. I hope you know how much respect I have for the full-time working moms out there, and for people who have different viewpoints than my own. Working moms have strength and stamina I'm not sure I ever could have! I feel I should also mention that all the mascara and snot came out of Sam's white shirt, which I personally feel was another miracle of that week.


P.S. Two of my blogging friends, Bonnie and Tayler, are also posting today about their decision regarding teaching next year. Check out Bonnie's blog HERE and Tayler's blog HERE to read about their decision. We also decided to make this thang a link-up! If you have any posts about teaching, working, being a stay at home mom, earning income at home, or anything in that category, please link it up! I love reading about other women and their stories.







P.P.S. We decided to make this a giveaway too. Enter below to win $15 to Babies R Us! (Thanks Tayler for putting this all together!)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

If you're in a similar position, I'd love to hear from you! How did you decide what to do? Have you ever regretted it? What worked best for you?

our two-year celebrations

This week Sam and I celebrated two years of marriage. Our anniversary involved a regular morning of working, followed by a surprise massage, a stop at IKEA to get the last few essentials for the treehouse, and an evening on temple square. We walked around the square, which was rather empty and peaceful and beautiful. Then, we had dinner at The Roof, where I almost ran into a man and upended his salad plate, only to find out it was Dallin H. Oaks. Oops.

On our anniversary, we like to go back through the year month by month, remembering all the good times. It took us all of dinner to get through the year, and I was feeling really blessed by the time we got to the end of it. I'm lucky to have Sam.

I know you old marriage veterans out there might laugh at a mere two years, but we feel proud of ourselves, like we've accomplished something big. Marriage isn't always easy. The stresses of working, living on a tight budget that doesn't allow for much long-term saving, making complicated life decisions, and having a twelve-year-old live with us aren't always rosy. One day I'll learn that no serious conversations that happen after 10pm end in anything productive, and one day I'll learn to stop being snappy at Sam when I'm hungry. The great thing is, we love each other no matter what, and we have a Christ-centered relationship that grounds us and brings peace into our marriage.

^^Eating at The Roof was a splurge, but it was worth every penny. We loved this gorgeous view of the setting sun behind the temple from our window seats. 

I don't know how I got so lucky, but I'll take it.
Here's to another two years!

Love you Sam.

the not-so-sunny side of me

Blogging is a sunny-side-up kind of thing.

I'm a sunny-side-up kind of person, so it works out nicely. But there's a line between being optimistic and making your life sound better than it is. A line between positivity and omission. So here's the other side of me right now, for the sake of honesty and documenting my life on this blog of mine. I love the sunny side, but life isn't supposed to be only sunny-side-up.

If you prefer the sunny-side-up of things, and only that side, you should probably stop reading. I won't be mad. Some days, I do that too.

______________________________

We all have insecurities. Mine right now are about my job next year, and about my sweet husband who's having a hard time deciding which direction to go in with his career.

We all have realities. Mine are about the harsh realities of child abuse and molestation in Utah Valley that I learned about yesterday that make me physically ill. They are also about the fact that some weeks, you work hard exercising and dieting all week and the scale doesn't show it.

We all have sadness. Mine is about my mom, who I'm still sad about, three years later. I think about having babies one day without her, and I get sad, and wonder who will come stay at my house in those early days, who will help me and Sam figure parenthood out? My sadness is also about my sweet friend who has to say goodbye to her foster babies. I used to support the preservation of biological families, but now I have such a different viewpoint.

______________________________

So there you have it. The sunny-side-down of me right now. Luckily, there is still a sunny side. Luckily, everyone goes through things like this, and it's kind of the point of this life. I never grow or change or learn more about myself than during the hard times. And in the end, I believe it makes you better. It has to.

This is one of my favorite quotes from Great Expectations. I've shared it before, and I'll probably share it again. It's at the end, when Estella is reunited with Pip after many years. They're talking about what life has done for them, and Estella says:

So here's to thinking about the silver lining in life.
Here's to knowing hard things come, but still feeling peace.
Here's to recognizing the growth potential in the non-floofy, non-perfect parts of your life.
And here's to embracing it.
(And I really am fine. I'm happy, I promise!)

What's one thing that's sunny side down for you right now?

Dare you share it?

Making life beautiful: our Jason decision

A few months ago, Sam and I found ourselves at a cross-roads. November was full of decisions about teaching and grad school and babies and moving. Nothing felt right, and I had this feeling we hadn't struck on the right answer yet. But what else could the answer be?

And then, one night, driving home through Sardine Pass - it came. The answer just came to me, and it involved an 11-year-old and it was not the path I was expecting, but there it was anyway, and it was like a deep breath in midwinter.

There are many reasons behind our decision to have Jason come live with us. We had talked about it since we first started dating, but we always thought it wouldn't be for a number of years. Some of the reasons are very personal and meaningful, and I won't share them here. There is a real and deep need for Jason's home environment to change. Sam and I made the decision like we make all important decisions - slowly, with counseling from those people whose opinions we respect most, and lots and lots of prayer and fasting. It's the big decisions that need the most consideration.

And this is what I realized - Sam and I would have fulfilling lives either way. We could take him or not take him, and chances are we'd have a successful marriage. We knew taking Jason would mean less money, more stress, more responsibilities, and less time to mold our marriage as a couple with no kids. 

But what I really want, as we look back over the years, is for our life to be beautiful. I don't want it to be conventional or cute or perfect, I want it to be beautiful. Jason is amazing, and having him in our lives will be such a growing and learning process. But more importantly, it will be a beautiful process to have an 11-year-old whom we need as much as he needs us.

So here's to choosing beauty over convention, challenges and change over stability and static, and most of all, to that road trip we're taking this weekend to bring home the 11-year-old who is changing, and saving, our lives.

___________

Thank you, thank you readers, for being so supportive and positive.

It's people like you who inspire me to be better every day. And I mean that.

And on a slightly different note - 

parenting tips?

Pre-teen parenting tips?

Great parenting or "foster parenting" books? (we're not actually foster parents)

I'll take any advice!

From an Elementary Teacher's Perspective: Thoughts on Sandy Hook

There is a war coming. It's coming here and it's coming now. It's not about programs, policies, or politics. It's a war of good against evil. Just look at the news. Bad things are happening, even as the good people get stronger. Everyone will have to pick a side in this war, for neutrality will not be an option.

The thing about being a teacher is you're not just someone who stands at the front of the room and lectures. You're much more. Teachers save their children without a second thought. Sometimes it's easy to complain with other teachers about specific students.  But the fact is, without a doubt, teachers will do anything to save their kids. They will literally die saving them, and that's exactly what six brave staff members did on Friday morning.

I consider myself a peaceful person. I believe there are better ways to solve problems. But if there's one thing I will fight for, it's children. I believe so strongly in the cause of helping children who are still learning how to help themselves.

I will fight for my 31 children, those 31 beautiful students who are entrusted to my care.

I will fight for children who are too young to help themselves yet.

I will fight for my little siblings.

I will fight for the world that my children will be born into.

via Michelle McLoughlin//Reuters

And I know I'm not alone. In this battle of good and evil that is getting stronger, I am not alone. A teacher in my grade is a foster mom to three beautiful babies, and she's fighting for them to have a decent chance in this world. Another teacher in my grade hardly sees her husband; they work split shifts so their children can always have a parent home and financial security. Parents fight every day in the defense of children.

I want to give one more example of how much goodness there is in the world: Friday afternoon, as the staff was reeling with shock and horror, the principal came on the intercom a few minutes before school got out. She requested that if we had a few minutes, she would love to see extra staff on bus duty, as it would be especially important for the staff to be visible today.

So many staff members came out. I almost started crying as I joined the line of staff members, all in their orange vests, standing along the curb. We were just directing traffic and helping children into their cars like always, but we were also saying we're here. We hate that this happened, and we're as in shock as you are, but we're here. We're fighting for these children, and we're taking a stand for good.

That's the whole point of what I'm trying to say. Bad things done by bad people are going to keep happening in this world. Instead of blaming gun control or mental health care or the shooter, I'm focusing on what we can do to magnify the good, not the evil.


Because I'm convinced that in the end, a small group of people doing what's right is going to save this world. 


Bad things happen; horrible, terrifying, unfathomable things. But good things happen too. It's the parents who teach by example, it's the children who show they are innocent and strong, it's the teachers standing along the curb showing their support that are going to be the saving factor, that are going to make the right prevail. They'll prevail because they know this truth: the power of goodness is much stronger than the power of evil.



*disclaimer: These are simply my thoughts, my feelings, my truths, and in no way represent official positions of my school, teachers, or community.

a different kind of love letter

Dear mom,

This is a love letter. One of the greatest types of love is the love between mother and daughter. You loved me so much and cared for me so much. If I'm one one-hundredth of the mom you were, I'll feel successful.

You were the most selfless person I ever knew, mom. Remember how, as you were laying on your hospital bed, as people came to visit you'd ask all about them, shower them with love, make them feel like a million bucks, and let them cry on your shoulder when they were crying because you were dying? That's the kind of selfless you were.

Today, it's been three years. Three years since you became the type of mother that watches over me from above. The type that can't call after school ends each day, the type that can't give me a hug, the type that can't bless peoples lives directly like you used to do every single day. 

But that doesn't mean you're not with me. Remember that one day? Just walking down the hall of my elementary school early in the morning, getting my lessons ready before the kids arrived, and all of a sudden I could feel you. Walking down the hall next to me, like it was totally normal, like you did that every day. 

Maybe you are there every day, helping my class, guiding me. 

Mom did you sit at the empty chair we saved for you at my wedding? Or were you standing right next to me when I got married?

I love you mom. My favorite compliment is "you remind me of your mother," even though few in this state can give it to me. Sam and I are trying to be so good, trying to follow your example and do good things for others while we're here. 

I love you mom. Happy Angel Day. Thanks for being here with me.

Brooke

when I said hello to the truth

Last week Mr. Emery and I were driving home late at night. Just like that, as we turned the corner into Sardine Pass, everything clicked. I said "oh," and there it was. The truth, and my soul saying hello to it. 

Answers as clear as that sometimes wait for a while, but then they come, they come all at once. It was a specific moment when everything fell into place and just like that, winding through the sleeping valleys on our way home, I knew what our path was. 

Mr. Emery knew it too. He has a way of knowing the truth long before my silly, over-thinking, non-trusting brain comes around to it.

It's new and I promise it's not what you think and it's without a doubt the craziest thing we've ever done, but it's the thing to do, and it feels 100% right.

And how's that for a sleepy late-night update. 

When my soul said hello to the truth. via

redefining to-do lists

Last night, during my usual Sunday night AH-the-weekend's-over! panic attack, I was making myself a to-do list for the week.

• vote
• deliver 120 relief society fliers
• report cards
• do something for E's birthday
• go to the temple
• finalize those huge life decisions we're making 
• lesson plans for my teacher work sample

And then I just kind of stopped and looked at it. 

What if I measured the success of my week a little differently? What if it was by the number of students that I took time to really connect with? What if it was the things I did that made others smile? What if it was more giving and less crossing off a list?

via

So in the end, I'm still going to vote and get those fliers delivered and write those lesson plans. But it's the time I spend outside of those obligations that matters. I'm choosing to focus on giving, not to-do-listing. 

What helps you focus on the important things?

Who are some of your greatest examples of giving?

loving where you live

Yesterday, Sam and I went up to Park City for a few hours.

I had never been, and it was GORGEOUS. We rode the lift all the way up, admired the views, and rode the Alpine Slide all the way down (so much fun. the faster the better!). 

Taking long, exotic vacations is fun. But we don't know how much longer we'll be living in Utah, so we want to make sure we visit all the local places and make the most of where we live. That way, we can say that you can say that not only did we live in Utah, we experienced it as well.

Here are some of our recent Utah favorites:

the slide at Park City

the rope swings at Mona

hiking Mt. Timp

the segways at Thanksgiving Point

Temple Square (and City Creek) in Salt Lake City

Vivian Park

This is definitely not a comprehensive list. It's missing many things, such as local restaurants (which deserve a spotlight of their own) and smaller attractions. I know I've had quite the change of attitude about where I live, but I believe everyone can find a few things that they love about where they are.

riding the lift

What do you love about where you live?

And for you fellow Utahns, what are local attractions I can't miss out on?